Below is a list of what I think are the best Chuck Norris Quotes:
- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, shortly after they renamed them the Islands.
- Chuck Norris once bones the Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
- Chuck Norris flosses with barbed wire.
- Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
- Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- Chuck Norris drives Optimus Prime to work.
- Chuck Norris once defeated a laser beam in a the hundred-meter dash.
- Chuck Norris invented the internet so people could talk about how great Chuck Norris is.
I pulled all these quotes from “The Truth About Chuck Norris” by Ian Spector.
I came up with this one:
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:19 am
Usain Bolt in cocky mofo and needs to be thrown around once or twice by Chuck Norris!
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 am
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle>>>>>>>>>>>>>
October 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
November 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am
if you want to find out wat chuck norris’s enemys are look at the extinction list
December 27th, 2008 at 6:17 am
jesus may be able to walk on water but ..chuck norris can swim through solid land!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:19 am
chuck norris CAN talk about fight club!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:19 am
chuck norris kicked a rock once… we now call that rock THE MOON!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:22 am
chuck norris dosent wear condoms.. there is no protection from chuck norris!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:23 am
the film was gonna be called alien & predator vs chuck norris…but no ones goin to watch a film that lasts 14 seconds!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:24 am
chuck norris once built a plane out of 2 paper clips and some gum!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:26 am
if chuck norris is running late .. time better slow the fuck down!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:29 am
chuck norris was one of the original wise men .. he gave jesus a beard…the other 3 wise men were so jealous they voted to kick him out of the bible … shortly after the 3 wise men mysterously died from roundhouse kicks to the face!
December 27th, 2008 at 6:37 am
chuck norris died 10 years ago … the grim reaper hasnt got the balls to tell him!
March 4th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
chuck norris lost both his legs in a car crash and still managed to walk it off
March 6th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
When the boogeyman goes to bed every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
March 10th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Chuck Norris woke up next to Mr T, we all know who the bitch was.
March 10th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
When Chuck Norris squats WE all shit.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
When Chuck Norris jumped into a pool Chuck Norris did not get wet, the pool got Chuck Norrised
March 13th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
who would u be more afried of:100 of the best snipers or chuck norris with a b-b gun……email me at jagex12345@gmail.com with ur awnser
March 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am
YALL ALL NEED TO SHUT UP AND STOP TALKONG ABOUT ME FUNNY U ALL ARE SO STUBID MIGITS SO STOP IT AND I MEAN
April 8th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
the devil is in hell, chuck noris sent him there
April 28th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
You have angered me. I’ll give you all three minutes too appease me before I roundhouse the back of your face. I just got done taking a shit that backed up half of the Las Angeles sewer grid and wiped with the American flag. Why the American flag you may ask? Because it owes me that’s why. I founded this country after I shimmied an ak-47 out of a lunchroom straw and a few pieces of notebook paper. I then beheaded the king with a raise of my eyebrow while pounding his mom and wife at the same time. Don’t question me.
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
when u stare at the american flag long enough,a 3d image of chuck norris appears.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm
time only flies because chuck norris throws it
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:28 pm
u could never beat chuch norris in a thumb wrestiling contest his thumb would roundhouse kick your thumb in the face because he said so
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
evil is a pimple on the butt of chuck norris
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:37 pm
chuck norris swallows thunder and shits lightning every morining instead of coffee
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
chuck norris beat medussa in a staring contest
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 pm
bruce lee did not kill chuck norris he just felt like taking a breather
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:21 pm
chuck norris can run so fast he can run around the world an punch him self in the back of the head
May 4th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Chuck Norris doesnt have heart attacks, his heart isnt foolish enough to attack him
May 5th, 2009 at 2:19 am
chuck norris once scored a 3… in netball.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Spike TV found Chuck Norris to be the Deadliest Warrior” EVER!
May 5th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Afgahni Cush smokes hair from Chuck Norris’ beard to get high
May 5th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Chuck Norris jumped into “The Pit” in 300 to make sure everyone down there was dead
May 7th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Thomas jefferson once sayed all men are created equal then in a split second he saw a fatel roundhouse kick to the face and now the declartion says Chuck norris is above all men
May 13th, 2009 at 2:00 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits!
May 13th, 2009 at 5:18 am
GIRAFFE’S DID’NT EXIST UNTILL CHUCK NORRIS UPPERCUTTED A HORSE!!!!! FACT
May 15th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Ford wasn’t built tuff chuck norris was
May 21st, 2009 at 3:33 pm
FUCK OFF ITS GAME OVER
May 25th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Chuck Norris was given a lego playset at the age of 5. The Great Wall of China still stands to this very day.
Chuck Norris can set fire to ants using a magnifying glass. On A Cloudy Night!
May 26th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Only Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi! XD
May 26th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding
May 26th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t walk up the stairs, the stairs walk up for Chuck Norris.
May 26th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Bowser is Chuck Norris’s pet turtle XD
May 26th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Chuck Norris can beat Abraham Lincoln in an arm wrestling contest…. all he has to do is shoop da whoop him in the face!
May 26th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Chuck Norris can make mashed potatoes by looking at them
May 26th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Chuck Norris can swim faster than Michael Phelps………and smoke moar weed
May 26th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Chuck Norris is the reason why we have a leap year
May 27th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
chuck norris ran round the world then punched himself in the head
May 29th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
chuck norris gets 99 cents everytine he litsens to a song on itunes.
chuck norris CAN sneeze with his eyes open.
chuck norris DOES know wat willis is talking about.
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad.
chuck norris had the idea to sell his urine in a can we know this as red bull.
chuck norris ordered a big mac at burger kning … and got one.
chuck norris CAN slam a revolving door.
chuck norris counted to infinity twice.
chuck norris shaves by kicking himself in the face because the only thing that can cut chuck norris is chuck norris.
only two things can cut dimonds, other dimonds and chuck norris.
chuck norris is not man nor woman his gender is chuck norris.
chuck norris can kill you just by looking at you.
chuck norris doent read books he stares at the book and the information seeps out of it in terror.
chuck norris doesnt syle his hair it sits perfectly on his head out of shear terror.
the oly letters on chuck norris’s computer is chuck and norris nuff said.
chuck norris is wat willis is talking about.
chuck does not wear watches he decides what time it is. period.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
chuck norris. nuff said.
May 30th, 2009 at 8:16 am
chuck norris doesn’t get hung like a horse, horses get hung like chuck norris
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 am
When Chuck Norris does push ups the earth goes down,instead of him going up
June 4th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t read. He just stares at the book until it gives up it’s information.
June 4th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
It is said that Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer, trouble is, the bastard never cries.
June 6th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
chuck norris died 10 days ago in a freak heart attack , but unfortunatly the grim reaper dare not tell him
June 14th, 2009 at 5:25 am
i rule…
June 14th, 2009 at 10:29 am
A man walked up to chuck norris and asked chuck to list a 100 cool things chuck norris can do….Chuck turned and unimpressed he raised his eyebrow that man disintegrated!
June 15th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
chuck norris CAN touch this
chuck norris IS the meaning of life
chuck norris CAN believe its not butter
chuck norris can cry underwater, but he chooses not too
Mother nature struck a thunder bolt at chuck norris once, so he roundhouse kicked her upside the head
Every night before going to bed god prays too chuck norris
June 16th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
death once had a near-to-chuck-norris accadint! xD
chuck norris is the reallllll reassonn waldo is a hideiinn! lol
June 20th, 2009 at 6:34 am
CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT PRAY TO GOD, GOD PRAYS TO CHUCK NORRIS!!
June 20th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Chuck Norris is the only man to make Clint Eastwood sweat.
June 24th, 2009 at 1:13 am
chuck norris is a fat old man he can fuck off and die……he cant do shitttttttt
June 24th, 2009 at 1:14 am
dan harmer can slam a revolving door!
June 24th, 2009 at 1:15 am
jaspal can touch this!